It was originally published on Fanfiction.net (aka where fanfiction goes to die).
E.L. James’ pen name was Snowqueens Icedragon because of course it was.
Snowqueens Icedragon does not use quotation marks.
She does, however, make up expressions like "my very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba" and “I can almost hear his sphinx-like smile through the phone.”
They spend more time filling out sex-related paperwork than they do actually having sex.
This is my reaction to all of the sex scenes:
Because the human body doesn’t work like that.
This is my reaction to everything else:
Because the english language doesn’t work like that.
The 50 Shades of Grey trailer just dropped, so here’s a link to the original Twilight fanfiction that the book is “based” off of, because if you’re gonna read the book before you see the movie you might as well read it in its original format.
i got through three pages before i had to stop or risk throwing my laptop across the room
he makes bella blam just from blowing on her titty
This is the knot your knot could look like if you bothered to ask actual BDSM players, or hell, even their YouTube channels, before making a movie supposedly about BDSM. I’m not a rope top and I did that one-handed.
I’m on a horse.
The thing where they justify abuse by saying “it’s BDSM, of course it’s sick and wrong” is still a bigger problem though.
E.L. James knows as much about BDSM as she would have found in a five minute Google search, which is to say that she knows precisely jack shit.
50 Shades of Grey does not depict a realistic kinky relationship, nor does it depict a healthy relationship of either the kinky or vanilla variety.
It is a Twilight fanfic, and has all the elements of Edward and Bella’s abusive relationship with kink added for extra flavor. Just as Edward and Bella are not a healthy or realistic couple, neither are Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele.
Christian Grey is an abuser who manipulates a young woman with zero knowledge of BDSM into a relationship with him. He knows she is ignorant of what a healthy BDSM relationship looks like, and uses this to:
ignore and override her attempts at negotiation,
play without a safeword (since she doesn’t know that they exist),
create a false dichotomy of “either we’re kinky my way or we just don’t have sex at all,”
threaten and stalk her,
prevent her from discussing her relationship with anyone other than him,
and control aspects of her personal life, including what car she drives, what medications she takes, and how she spends her free time.
This is not BDSM. This is not sexy. This is abuse.
Using 50 Shades as your basis for how a kinky relationship works (for critical or practical purposes) is like treating Titanic: The Legend Goes On as a historical documentary. Don’t do it.
My boss plays DnD in the small group we run once a month, he plays a Bard. Today he was part of a bard competition at a festival and so I made him sing a song out loud to win with the other players as backup singers. He sang Evita - Don’t cry for me Argentina but replaced the town name with the fantasy town’s name. It is possibly the best DnD moment ever.
"um starfire’s powers are fueled by the sun that’s why she has to wear skimpy clothes" hey u know who else’s powers are fueled by the sun? superman. come on clark time for that toothfloss speedo chop chop
What why did you pay so much to see the movie? I went to a cheap theater and paid 11 for two people. v.v movies are expensive at a normal one it's like 9 for one ticket. Bluh.
To be fair I didnt know it was going to be so much when we decided to go see it. AMC charges a ton. And actually raised their prices since last time. And on the other end of the spectrum I live down the street from a $2 theater where I saw Captain America: Winter Soldier. Twice.
People in the gaming industry will often use the price of movies as a comparison for Hours of entertainment /dollar spent. $10/2 hours for a movie. $60-90 for potentially unlimited hours of entertainment with some RPG books. Or $60 for a board game. And so forth.